Mindy Smith, writing on divorce matters for the Huffington Post, compiled her Top 10 list of “Red Flags for Sure Signs of Divorce”. I agree with most of Ms. Smith’s observations with the following revisions:
RED FLAG #10: If your spouse is face-booking with an “old friend” of the opposite sex on a regular basis, you may be heading for a divorce. While occasional (rare) contact with a former lover should not pose any real danger to your relationship, the contact becomes a problem when this communication is substituted for communication with the spouse and/or if this communication is hidden from the other spouse.
RED FLAG #9: If you spouse has gained or lost more than 20% of his or her body weight, you may be heading for divorce. In every marriage, part of keeping the passion alive is maintaining the physical presence that attracted the two partners to the other in the first place. When one spouse no longer cares about his or her appearance or radically changes his/her physical appearance, that physical change can be a sign that he/she no longer is interested in you.
RED FLAG #8: If your spouse is donning sexy new underwear all of a sudden, you may be heading for divorce. If your spouse makes a drastic change in his or her underclothes, you have to wonder why. This is one of the all-time biggest signs of an early stage of an affair.
RED FLAG #7: If your spouse is now lying around all day and lets you take care of all of the household chores without any sense of guilt or remorse, you may be heading for divorce. Being married is not a time for laziness. Each partner needs to respect the relationship and do his or her part to share in the household chores. Failure to recognize this responsibility can create resentment by the other spouse.
RED FLAG #6: If your spouse is secretive with his or her cell phone and his/her text messaging, you may be heading for divorce. In today's society, it is very easy for an individual to maintain one persona to his or her spouse and another personality type to others, especially through text messaging. Cell phones and computers make that “dual life” easier and can become intoxicating to those participants.
RED FLAG #5: If your spouse makes you write down everything you spend money on, you may be heading for divorce. This is a classic sign of a controlling and emotionally abusive spouse. Control is never a healthy weapon in marriage.
RED FLAG #4: If your spouse no longer wants to have sex with you, you may be heading for divorce. Sex in an integral part of a healthy marriage. It provides a way to connect with your spouse on an emotional as well as physical level. Sex is good exercise and promotes healthy well-being. If your spouse no longer shows sexual interest in you, it is imperative to try to find out why and work on the issues. Often lack of sex leads one spouse to resent the other spouse over time.
RED FLAG #3: If your spouse spends more time on the tennis courts or at softball than spending time with you, you may be heading for divorce. It is very easy for a married person to find him or herself absorbed in the activities of everyday life. In order for a marriage to have a chance at succeeding over time, each spouse has to put the marriage first. Making time on a daily basis to connect with your partner is an absolute must. If you spend more time focusing on other people or other activities, then your marriage is bound to suffer.
RED FLAG #2: If your spouse is out with friends at singles bars after work and you are not invited to participate, you may be heading for divorce. The ‘singles scene' should have a danger sign posted at every corner bar. If your spouse is constantly going to singles bars without you or is always meeting up with a “friend” at the bar, one has to wonder if he or she divulges their true marital status to the other singles out there and whether he/she is attempting to lead a double life.
RED FLAG #1: If your spouse is constantly flirting with your friends while the two of you are together, you are heading for a divorce. When the marriage gets to the point where one spouse acts so disrespectful to openly flirt with others in your presence or knowing that you are nearby, it is never a good sign. If anything, it is a sign that he/she is looking for positive feedback from your friend so as to embark on his/her next affair.
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